My liver just broke up with me...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
