I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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