She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
