I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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