its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
