I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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