k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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