I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
