The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
