This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
