What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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