He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize