why didn't you poke me back
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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