when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
