At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
