He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
