Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
