Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
