i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
