I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
