Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
