While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
