Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
