I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
