I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
