Screwed.edu
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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