i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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