Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
