put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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