Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize