i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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