I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
