I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I AM VODKA MAN
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
