she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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