and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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