I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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