is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
