The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
