I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
