You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
