The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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