my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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