i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
