she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
