Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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