woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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