oh god the rape fog is back!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
