If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
