Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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