Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
