My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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