Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Who died my cat blue again?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
