Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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