thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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