saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
