If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
