she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
