White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize