It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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