First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
