at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
