I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
