is wine microwaveable?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
