Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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