arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
