i wish starbucks made bloody marys
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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