I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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