we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
