I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
