Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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