She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
