babies were throwing up all over the place
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
