During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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