his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
