If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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