shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
