ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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