i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My pussy is not your playground.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
