dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
