Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
is it fun? or sober?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize