so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
