you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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