oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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