Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize