Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
